Our Stories
Darrell
& Nevin
Kent
& Kari
David
& Maggie
Laura
& Chris
Darrell and Nevin's Story:
"High School Sweethearts"
Our story has two beginnings. In the first, Darrell and I became high school sweethearts in the spring of 1966. The passion of first love was strong, and equally powerful was our Imago connection. My diary from those days is filled with accounts of hurt feelings and break-ups. Eventually, separated by distance and life choices, and with no clear understanding of why we struggled, we drifted apart in a continuation of the dance we had adapted to.
After three decades, we reunited in early 2000, and our second beginning was like coming home. More mature this time around, we made the commitment to keep our magical connection. Within a month, we decided to attend a "Getting the Love You Want" workshop in Truckee, California led by Imago therapist Rolf Godon and his partner Tanzy Maxfield. The weekend was insightful and inspiring. The Imago theory helped us understand ourselves and each other in new ways. Deep in romantic love, we volunteered to demonstrate the parent-child dialogue. Darrell was able to re-image me as a wounded child, and I was able to see how much I project my difficulties from my childhood upon him. Moodiness was the source of great anxiety for me, and Darrell's highs and lows brought out my fears. This dynamic remains a challenge as well as an opportunity for growing and stretching.
Our education and practice continues with Anna Marie Franco, our Imago therapist. She has helped us understand that our core scenes are the direct result of our childhood wounding. For example, Darrell was often ignored as a child. His tendency to retreat and isolate is a childhood adaptation and it does not serve him in our relationship. We also discovered my maximizer-fuser clashes with Darrell's minimizer-isolator. Dialogues break down quickly when we are not able to contain for each other. Learning not to react when hurt and to re-image each other as wounded children are the keys to our healing.
We practice a daily ritual that includes reading a page from Harville and Helen's Couples' Companion and reciting our relationship vision. We realize that building the relationship of our dreams will last a lifetime. The tenets of Imago have helped us to develop a conscious relationship and our goal is to share this knowledge with others. The journey that culminated in Abiquiu, New Mexico with the forming of Imago Couples International has energized us and filled us with gratitude. Thank you, Harville and Helen. We are getting it!